User talk:Chemical Cats
Blacklisted Subject Due to excessive similar posts, certain story elements are now blacklisted, or no longer allowed on this website. Please make note of this. Your post has been deleted due to being similar to previous posts. For more information on this, please read the rules. If you wish to post about these subjects, add them to Spinpasta Wiki or use the Spinoff Appeal. The first offense of this rule is only a warning, but a second offense will result in a ban. DO NOT ATTEMPT TO REUPLOAD YOUR PASTA. If you upload it again without admin authorization, you'll receive a 1-day ban from editing, as per the rules. --"You know why he's here? Why he's investigating the broken rules? He's not paid or anything. He likes it. He gets off on it" (talk) 22:04, August 10, 2015 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 21:01, August 11, 2015 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 03:22, September 15, 2015 (UTC) Re: Story Your story was deleted for not being up to quality standards. Capitalization issues: words improperly capitalized "I Like (like) to call myself ERG(also periods should be used as it initials), by the initials.", "Lone star (Star) national (National) bank (Bank)", "Some'' Bottled (bottled) water." , "The Kitchen (kitchen)is right behind the living room.", "I Told (told) My (my) parents everything.", etc. Capitalization cont.: "I" needs to be capitalized ("i knew it would", "i'm one of their son's best friends", "Oh, did i mention that", etc. The start of sentence need to be capitalized: "me? why (Why) was Justin and his family taking me out of town?". Names need to be capitalized "Jasey holdman (Holdman)" Punctuation issues: tv shows should either be in quotations/italics and need to be properly capitalized: (")My Little Pony: Friendship is magic("). Punctuation missing from sentences: "COME BACK HERE(punctuation needed) YA LITTLE SHIT!" (Also an exclamation serves the same purpose as all-capitalizing a phrase with appearing too gimmicky. Wording issues: "I do go on the school bus'' sometimes, but on the bus, you have stops, and have to wait for those specific students to get off of the school bus at those specific stops." (redundancy issues with the words "bus" and "stops".) "No body listened" (Nobody), " I was able to doge (dodge) 6 times", " It was looked (locked), which was predictable.", " I then founf (SIC) the truth", etc. Formatting: two speakers should never talk on the same paragraph. "I then decided to talk to his Dad, saying "How was your day?" politely. I expected to be ignored, but to my surprise, he responded. "A personal activity is in order."" Dialogue is separated to avoid misattribution of who's speaking and to break up large conversations. Story issues: "No, I'm not drunk, I'm not stoned. I'm not on drugs (Is already implied by the "I'm not stoned" comment)." The story also feels like it needs more explanation. If Justin was a ghost all along, why was his family trying to murder the protagonist (with a samurai sword)? Especially if the two of you were friends? There's also the Sixth Sense plot hole. If Justin has been dead all this time, how were his parents able to pick the protagonist up in a car and get him to their house without attracting any attention? Why was the protagonist able to interact with Justin without anyone growing suspicious as to why he was talking to thin air? There are a few issues here. My best piece of advice would be to take the next story to the writer's workshop (link included in the deletion message) as they are good at catching these issues. Best of luck, let me know if you have any other questions. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 21:37, September 15, 2015 (UTC) Warning! Unfinished Page Please don't contribute unfinished pages. We get a lot of these, and almost none of them are EVER finished in a timely manner. Your unfinished page has been deleted. I'd suggest you post unfinished pages on your own computer in a notepad or other text document, or if it isn't your own computer that you're using, to save the text on Pastebin so you can access it later. Posting an unfinished page again will result in a block. | creepypasta.wikia.com | I'm the man who's gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! | [[User:Underscorre|'Under']][[User talk:Underscorre|'Scorre''']] }} 14:33, September 23, 2015 (UTC) Re: Story (again) Look at the reason I gave above as those are present in the story as well as formatting issues: "There are times in life when you revisit childhood memories, only to find out that those..." Punctuation left outside of dialogue: ""Huggie Smiles, or, what's now left of Huggie Smiles could be the center where the next apocalyptic event could originate from"." Capitalization issues: You fail to capitalize "I" a number of times. "I knew i didn't have work today.", ", so i quickly got dressed,", "i fell asleep", and at least five other times this happened. Story issues: "animal. th-the (Th-the) figure... had pale gray skin, with no hair."/"t-shirt. it (It) was w-wearing darker gray jeans" The protagonist is telling this story from past experiences, why are they stuttering (especially if they're typing this out?) and why would they stutter on something like what color clothes it was wearing? The premise feels very rushed and lacks any real sense of story/plot building. Look at the ending for example, you have the protagonist recollecting all of this, but for what reason? "I know see (sic) that something i loved as a kid was really nothing more than just a nightmare." really just isn't sufficient reason to be typing this after all of these years. Why share this horror story now? It seems odd to set up this framing device but not put it to any use in the story. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 03:21, October 1, 2015 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 02:36, December 7, 2015 (UTC) Re: A majority of the issues I've pointed out in the posts above were present in your latest story. Please take the time to proof-read your stories as every single story you've posted has been deleted for being well below our quality standards. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 02:43, December 7, 2015 (UTC) :^ EmpyrealInvective (talk) 01:59, December 19, 2015 (UTC) A Final Warning This is my final warning to you. You've had nine separate stories deleted for being below quality standards. I'm going to repeat it (I'm even going to copy messages from above to save myself time) so it becomes crystal clear. If you aren't going to put the time in and repeat the same mistakes, your stories will continue to be deleted. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, but look at the errors below, compare them to the errors I pointed out above, and realize that you've requested me to review basically the same issues on four separate occasions and are still making the same mistakes even after I've spent my time pointing them out. You have yet to use the writer's workshop even after being told to. "My best piece of advice would be to take the next story to the writer's workshop." I'm going to point out the mechanical issues as well as you seemed to have ignored them and that's not helping you. "Look at the reason I gave above as those are present in the story as well as formatting issues" (As seen above): "It was a Friday night, I wasn’t in the best mood, as my parents were having a romantic evening, and I would spend the night at home alone, my sister was at her friend’s house. It was just me, 13 year old Adrian Mauricio home alone." Punctuation left outside of dialogue (As seen above): "You weren’t very lucky, son”.", "“We hate him for what he did to us”,", etc. You also tend to overuse ellipses way too much and blunt their effectiveness. " I ran in the bedroom, but the tiger guy was now brutally killing those innocent people, those… Innocent (innocent)" Lines like this come off as pointlessly melodramatic. "The next jar I looked in had that same solution, but inside of it was… a frog" Punctuation missing from sentences. "A sound of crying began to fill the whole house(.)" Run on sentences: " I’ll also note that the house we were living in at the time was a temporary house, we were moving closer to our family, and to a better paying job, and we couldn’t find a house that suited our particular desire, so this was a temporary house. " You shift from past tense to present ("Outside the bathroom window, I notice the sun starts to set.", " the door actually takes damage with just one bang to it", "I hope everything is fine till then", etc.) multiple times throughout the story. Awkward wording: " Anyway, back to what I was saying, my parents were going to spend the rest of the night with romance.", " I stayed on toilet for a while, afterward, my stomach cramped really badly, and I decided to stay on the toilet longer.", "The person ran so quickly, I could barely even see what the person (Redundant) (or creature) looked like.", "But the creepiest part was that the mask eyes were black and empty. Out of everything about the appearance of the guy, the mask was the creepiest of all.", etc. Typos (again): "looked like it’d fall of if you shook it", "a traumatized psycho path", "When I got close to the window, the scream throughout the house", etc. Story issues: The story is hastily told and has a number of pointless facts. Is it necessary to tell the audience the author is wiping themselves? It comes off as pointless padding. Speaking of pointless padding, you repeat multiple things throughout the story. "The more I thought about it, the more my physical and mental sanity… started to shatter.", "I went the other way, and as I walked, my sanity slowly began to churn and shatter." Sanity is mental, not physiological so that line makes little sense, additionally why tell the audience multiple times as opposed to showing it? " I began to vomit on the floor and cry." and "I began to vomit on the floor and I heard behind me the poor girl still crying" You gloss over events that really should be used to build the tension/horror of the situation. "I ran out the room, and sure enough, the tiger guy used the time to kill everyone else in the house." This would be the perfect opportunity to showcase his brutality and ruthlessness, but it comes off as a throwaway line. Story issues continued: "This house is haunted, there’s no other way this house could produce such action and violence all by its own. The tiger guy is a psychopath, he was severely traumatized in this house, and went insane as a result" How does the protagonist reach this conclusion? He goes from witnessing the antagonist killing a child and drops this line unattributed to anything else. It seems like you wanted it in the story but had no idea of how to include it so you just put it in without any evidence to back up the protagonist's hypothesis at that time. The story also feels like it needs more explanation. (Seen above) Story issues continued (Still): "The mother also was behind the criminal, and she cried so hard, her eyes fell out." I'm not sure you understand how crying works. "They also informed me with the fact that the tiger guy changed his name to ‘Crime Hazy’ two years ago." Criminals don't actually get to pick their names. "I was so glad to hear that. In addition to that, the police told me everything." Police don't actually give out case information (especially to children). There are so many more issues here, but frankly I've spent too much time on this as is. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 04:07, February 4, 2016 (UTC) :When I get a little bit of free time I';; try to get to it. Unfortunately I have a few other review requests to address first. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 00:07, March 7, 2016 (UTC) Recent Edit Due to a recent edit, please know that adding words to sentences that were previously correct is not necessary. Please try to focus on changing wording only when the meaning of the sentence is unclear or redundant. ∆ SoPretentious ∆ 04:07, March 8, 2016 (UTC) Re: Review I'm sorry, but looking over, I can already see that your violates at least two items on the blacklist (Minecraft pasta and it seems to fall into a lot of online-based creepy pasta tropes) and is going to be blocked by the filter. Unfortunately I'm trying to get my own writing off the ground so I'll unlikely be able to get the time to help out on your story. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 21:23, October 22, 2016 (UTC) :If you're looking for feedback that or the SOG wiki might be the places to do it. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 01:45, October 23, 2016 (UTC)